Damn _oogle

gkeyIt’s one of those things you don’t really know how much you miss until it’s gone.

Here’s the story. Shortly after I signed a contract to write two manuscripts with a real live deadline and not just a self-imposed deadline, my “g” key went out. When I say out, I mean I can make it work if I pound on it really hard with the tip of my left index finger. The problem is I type pretty fast and almost always omit it on the first hit.

Because I was pretty focused on turning said manuscripts around in a dauntingly short time frame, I didn’t want to take my computer to the computer guy. I kept pounding away, hoping magically my key would decide to get off break and join the rest of its keyboard friends. It didn’t.

I found myself accommodating. What word can I write that does not use THAT key? Hmmmmm. Yep. That one works. Still, it’s amazing how many words require a “g.”

I looked at the positive side of the situation. Here’re some upsides of a defective g.

1. At least it isn’t a vowel.

2. My left index finger muscles are now REALLY strong. Like if there was a left finger muscle competition, I’d totally take it.

2. I’ve learned not to take my “g”–or any other key for that matter–for granted.

3. I’ve learned the keys pop off and that a Q-tip and alcohol provide good temporary remedy. (Careful not to break your key.)

4. I have formed a new appreciation for consonants.

Still, I needed a fix. I ran through several troubleshooting paths. I checked out the forums, more on accident than on purpose. (Damn, Google.) I looked at the Lenovo website. I tried to understand the Lenovo website. I decided to “Live Chat” with the Lenovo person on the Lenovo website.

This ended up being more like a “Live Write” then a “Live Chat.” Just as well.  “Really,” wrote Radesh. “All you need is a new ‘g’ key.” Radesh send me to a disconnected number for my new g.

Through this month-long period I had every intention of getting the computer into my very competent computer guy as soon as I’d submitted my manuscripts. He was fairly certain I’d need a whole keyboard and I trust him.

I wanted to be ready with my new keyboard as soon as my projects were submitted. When I went to order it, though, I wasn’t even sure what model my laptop was. I couldn’t seem to find it on the hardware or software. While I was in town one day, I took my laptop and decided to swing by Office Depot and have the computer guy there tell me which keyboard I needed. Office Depot had gone out of business.

I went to the other office supply store.

Teen helper: “Can we help you?”

Me: “Can I speak with the computer guy?”

Teen helper, after consulting in huddle with other teen helper: “That’s Brandon. He’s on his break. He only has 3 minutes left.” She stared at me like I had a spider on my forehead. “You can wait if you want.”

When Brandon emerged from his break, he was about as helpful as an ant. “I’ve never seen one of these keyboards be replaced.”

Thanks, Brandon. Something tells me next time I go to this office supply store it may be gone, too…

Having finally hit the wall, and eager to get moving on a new project (involving lots of gs) I called my computer guy. He was very busy that day and apparently did not get the emotional SOS that I was sending in my pre-office supply store text.

I had Googled the Lenovo site while waiting for Brandon in an attempt to find a working number. I decided to try Lenovo again (since they were so helpful the first time.) I asked Siri to call on the way home. I was rather surprised when Navas answered on the first attempt. Maybe my luck was finally turning around on this whole “g” thing.

We started talking. He seemed very eager to help. Finally. He said he could help, but needed me at my computer. Made sense, but I was driving. He said he’d call me back in 20 minutes when I got home. Wow. What customer service. I got home and opened my computer. Navas called as promised. He told me this was an easy fix and he knew what to do. We just needed to get in there and do one really quick thing.

Before I knew it, Navas was inside my computer running a scan and asking questions. Then I realized this was not Lenovo, but some third party entity named iYogi that had jumped into the Lenovo website somehow and now he was inside my computer. (DAMN, GOOGLE!) I could tell by the distraction techniques he was using that this was no good. I SOS-ed my computer guy on my cell: “HELP. Some dude’s inside my underwear drawer–I mean, computer. How do I get him out?”

Michael (computer guy) has the patience of a saint. “Just sign off. Or power off.” He’s so smart.

Michael walked me through unraveling any damage that might have happened during my self-help session. Between my husband and I (more him than me) we got things back to normal. Everything, that is, but the g key.

Hopefully, tomorrow will find that problem solved. We ordered the right keyboard on Prime after we finally figured out between the three of us which one to get. (Get those drones already, Amazon.) I’m hoping I’m but moments away from an impeccable g.

Me to husband: Is Mercury in freaking retrograde or what?

Husband, after Googling: Yep.

Damn Google.